Her Small-Town Sheriff Page 9

  She didn’t envy him his position.

  After a moment, he quietly opened the door and disappeared inside the office, closing the door behind him.

  Call her silly, but Phoebe had an odd urge to be a fly on the wall in that office; the dynamic between father and daughter fascinated her.

  And that, in turn, had anxiety eating away at her. Why was she getting so caught up in a situation that was, essentially, none of her business, and potentially dangerous emotionally?

  “What’s going on with you and the sheriff?” Molly said, drawing Phoebe’s attention away from her unwanted reaction to the Winterses’ family drama unfolding before her like an Afterschool Special.

  Trust Molly to cut to the heart of the matter.

  Phoebe released a large breath. “Heidi arrived at the store, and we started talking. One thing led to another, and I said something about—” She cut herself off just in time; the last thing she should do was share information about Carson’s son with Molly. She’d learned her lesson about running off at the mouth regarding that subject. Very well.

  “About what?” Molly prompted.

  Phoebe bit her lip. “I can’t say.”

  A thoughtful pause. “Okay,” Molly replied, nodding. “Care to tell me why?”

  “Carson shared some…things with me last night—”

  “You were with Carson last night?”

  Phoebe gave herself a mental head slap. She absolutely did not want to awaken the ruthless Matchmaker Molly with talk of spending time with Carson. But she wasn’t going to lie, either. She’d tell the truth, and hope Molly dropped the subject. Not likely, knowing Molly, but what other option did Phoebe have?

  “Um…yes?” Phoebe said.

  “On a date?” Molly asked, her voice rising an octave.

  “No, no.” Phoebe laughed, trying to sound relaxed when she was anything but after the day’s stressful events. “Don’t get excited, Moll. We weren’t on a date.” Phoebe didn’t date. Anyone. Right?

  “But you were with him last night, talking…?” Molly said, her eyes ablaze with interest. So much for dropping the subject. Suddenly, the proverbial lightbulb went on. “Hey, didn’t you have grief-counseling last night?”

  After having messed up by saying too much to Heidi, Phoebe was going to be extra careful now; Carson might not want her spreading around that he was in a grief-counseling class. “We went to have coffee, and that’s all I can say.”

  Without missing a beat, Molly said, “This is big.” She pressed her mouth into a smile.

  Here we go again. “No, no, it’s not,” Phoebe said, holding up her hands. “It was just coffee, and I can’t give any more details.” True enough.

  Molly’s smile grew bigger, and her green eyes sparkled with excitement. “Okay.”

  Tapping a finger on the counter, Phoebe sighed. “Look, Moll, you’ve got to let this go. There’s nothing going on between me and the sheriff.” To protect her heart, Phoebe would make sure of it.

  “You showed up with him here today.” Molly gestured with her chin to Phoebe’s office. “You’ve clearly bonded with Heidi.”

  “I haven’t spent enough time with her to bond.” Heidi wasn’t exactly the easiest kid to get to know. Although, something about Heidi touched Phoebe in a way she’d never really experienced. Their shared grief, more than likely. “And I’m only here now because I went with him to look for Heidi, and then insisted on apologizing.”

  “Still…I sense there’s more going on here than just coffee.”

  “No, there’s not.”

  “I know you, Phoebs,” Molly said.

  True. “And?” Phoebe asked, almost afraid to hear what her remarkably intuitive friend had to say.

  “And to me, it’s obvious from the look in your eyes and from your actions that you’re getting sucked into the Winters family in a big way.”

  Phoebe opened her mouth to deny that loaded statement and literally couldn’t speak.

  Molly had no such problem. “C’mon, Phoebe, why lie to yourself?” she asked.

  Flummoxed, Phoebe looked at Molly, a question in her eyes.

  Molly reached out and laid a comforting hand on Phoebe’s forearm. “Don’t you think you should be honest and admit that you’re pretty tangled up with the sheriff and his daughter?”

  Molly’s words rang true. So why on earth was Phoebe having so much trouble staying on the safe, familiar path?

  “Maybe you should just go with the flow and see where your feelings about Carson lead.”

  Phoebe swallowed. “I’m not sure I can go there. Just the thought of letting down my guard with Carson scares me to death.”

  “I know it’s scary,” Molly said. “I felt the same way about admitting my feelings for Grant.”

  All Phoebe could do was nod weakly. Molly had fought falling for Grant tooth and nail, but true love had prevailed in the end.

  Molly had her happily ever after.

  But Phoebe firmly believed a happily ever after wasn’t in her future. So thinking about going with the flow with Carson as Molly had suggested was about as likely as sprouting wings and flying south for the winter.

  The bells on the shop’s door rang, signaling the arrival of a customer. Molly looked toward the door, then came around the counter. “So, what are you going to do about the situation?” she asked as she walked by Phoebe toward the front of the store where a tall, gray-haired woman browsed the leash display.

  “Good question,” Phoebe replied. One she’d have to answer sooner or later.

  She glanced toward the closed office door, imagining the handsome, enigmatic man behind it.

  Yeah. She chose later.

  *

  Carson sat in Molly’s desk chair, frustration bubbling through him as he watched Heidi flopped out on the giant dog bed in the corner of the office, both dogs vying for the best spot in her lap.

  Ignoring him, she showered hugs and kisses on Peter and Parker, who had obviously decided that she was the best thing in the world since the invention of canned dog food.

  He bit back a snort. Even dogs rated higher than he did right now. Great.

  He’d been back here with Heidi for ten minutes, and the only words she’d said were, “How could you?” Her voice had broken into a sob as she’d spoken, and fresh tears had brimmed and run down her rosy cheeks.

  Obviously, she thought he’d betrayed her.

  Talk about a knife to the heart. The serrated, cut-both-ways kind.

  He rubbed his jaw. Guess there was no help for what he had to do—level with her about the grief counseling so he could explain why he’d told Phoebe about CJ and Susan.

  He’d planned on telling Heidi that he was attending the classes in time, after he had a better chance to come to terms with his decision to actually confront and deal with his grief. With today’s crisis, that strategy was down the tube. Time for the contingency plan he’d hastily thrown together two minutes ago, when it had been obvious she wasn’t talking. Or forgiving.

  He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. “Honey, I understand why you’re mad at me for talking to Ms. Sellers about CJ and your mom.”

  Heidi didn’t say anything to that. Instead, she buried her head in Peter’s—or was it Parker’s?—furry silver head.

  The animal turned and looked at him with big black eyes. Was the dog gloating?

  “Fine, I understand why you don’t want to talk. So just listen,” he told her.

  The other dog nudged her hand and snuggled under her arm.

  At her meaningful silence, he cleared his throat and continued. “I normally wouldn’t have said anything to Ms. Sellers about what’s happened to us. But…I attended a class at the church, and Ms. Sellers was assigned as my partner, so I decided it would be okay to confide in her.”

  Heidi looked at him sideways through fur, her blue eyes frosty and wary. “What kind of class?” she mumbled into the dog’s head.

  Though he was grateful for the small victory of get
ting her to actually talk, he wasn’t keen on sharing details about the class; he didn’t like admitting he needed help, especially to his daughter. Okay, to anyone.

  What other choice was there, though? Heidi needed his honesty, no matter how much it rankled to admit his weakness. So he’d set his misgivings aside and lay it all out there.

  This healing process was as much about her as it was him. More about her in his mind, actually. He’d do anything for his daughter.

  Clearing his throat again, he said, “A…grief-counseling class.”

  She froze, then lifted her head to stare at him. “They have those?”

  “Yep, they do.”

  “And Phoebe…um, Ms. Sellers, is in your class?”

  He nodded.

  Heidi’s nose crinkled. “Why does she need help with grief?”

  Carson grimaced, belatedly realizing the ramifications of sharing the details of his class with Heidi. Without meaning to, he’d essentially outed Phoebe as having a grief issue.

  Nice work.

  He looked at the ceiling, suddenly understanding just how Phoebe might have inadvertently let slip to Heidi what Carson had shared with Phoebe about their recent family crises.

  He was glad he’d apologized to Phoebe. Hmm. Two in one day. That had to be some kind of personal record.

  When he hesitated, Heidi tilted her head to the side. “Did someone she loved die?” she asked in a very small voice.

  His breathing backed up. “Honey, that’s not my story to tell, so you’ll have to ask her to explain.” He had a feeling that someone as kind as Phoebe wouldn’t mind talking to Heidi about losing her fiancé. Especially if she felt it would help Heidi deal with her loss. But that was Phoebe’s call.

  Heidi wiped at the drying tears on her face. “Okay.”

  Thankful to have dodged that bullet, and to have his daughter talking, he extended his hand, hoping Heidi would take it.

  To his relief, she did, and his heart started to recover from its funk. He squeezed her small hand in his. “I told Phoebe about CJ and your mom because I truly believed it would help me to handle how…sad I am.” The words burned, but he shoved them out anyway, determined to do whatever it took, confront anything, to help Heidi.

  Heidi chewed on her lip, then turned red-rimmed eyes up to him. “I’m sad, too, Dad.” She sucked in a shaky breath. “I miss Mom and CJ.”

  Her words got that serrated knife going again. “I know, honey.” He swallowed, then tugged on her hand. Thankfully, she didn’t resist and came into his arms, a bundle of long, wind-scented hair all mixed up with the light smell of the strawberry lip gloss she wore.

  “We both lost someone very important, didn’t we?” he said in her ear. Two someones, actually. Times two. Mother. Brother. Wife. Son. Heidi’s whole world had fallen apart. He made a mental note to talk to Lily again about finding a counselor for Heidi.

  She tightened her arms around him and nodded against his neck, then sniffed.

  “I need you to talk to me about how you’re feeling, okay?” He was beginning to understand how important it was for them to talk, communicate. Not his strong suit—the exact opposite, actually—but obviously things had to change. He was going to have to dig deep.

  “Okay.” She pulled back and looked at him, her blue eyes solemn. “Talking is good, right?”

  “Right.” New territory for him, yes, this emotional sharing. And truthfully, he didn’t like looking his flaws in the eye—never had. But for Heidi…surely he could find a way to open up a bit.

  “Can we talk now?”

  “Sure.”

  “Why did Mom leave?” she whispered.

  His chest caved in. It was time for the conversation he’d been dreading since the day Susan had walked out, just like that, while Heidi was at school. Shamefully, he’d avoided anything but a vague explanation to Heidi about Susan’s desertion; how did a dad explain to his daughter why her mom took off without a word, and hadn’t been back? Worse, how could he admit that his own failure to protect CJ had caused Heidi’s mom to leave in the first place?

  Susan blamed him for their son’s death, and would never forgive him. Her words, not his, which made sharing the truth with Heidi that much harder.

  His own guilt bit hard as the truth of Susan’s stance slashed into him all over again. Her need to blame had overridden their love—smashed it, really—and that reality was just as hard to accept now as it had been the day she’d walked out, leaving his heart in shreds, his daughter inconsolable for weeks and him without a clue how to fix it all.

  But this was about Heidi, not his reactions to Susan’s actions, and he did his best to ignore the hard-edged emotions Susan’s desertion had caused so he could answer his daughter’s questions. Again, it was all about her now; he’d deal with Susan’s betrayal as best he could without dragging Heidi through the muck of the dynamic that had played out between him and his ex-wife and had torn their family apart.

  “Honey, you know how I told you how upset your mom was when CJ died?” he said, repeating the words he’d come up with late one night a few months ago. He’d known this conversation was inevitable. Shame on him for putting it off.

  “Uh-huh. She was crying all the time, and you guys fought a lot.”

  All true, to his regret. In the wake of CJ’s death and the bitter, agonizing grief that followed, both he and Susan had made some bad parenting choices and hadn’t shielded Heidi from their heated arguments as well as they should have.

  “Well, your mom was still sad, and her sadness wasn’t going away. So…she decided that she needed to get away instead.”

  Heidi nodded. “So she didn’t want to be sad around us?”

  “Exactly,” he said, treading a very fine line to make this discussion less traumatic for Heidi—if there was such a thing, which he doubted. Even so, he’d do his best to soothe Heidi’s hurt.

  Would his best be good enough, though?

  Heidi turned innocent blue eyes up to him. “Didn’t she know we’d help her not be sad?”

  Heidi’s words struck a harmonious chord, and he instantly knew her guileless statement held a very profound truth he needed to embrace. “I…guess she didn’t realize that,” he said, amazed at how much wisdom was stored up inside Heidi. Wisdom he needed to heed if they were going to rebound from the losses they’d suffered.

  “I wish I could have told her,” Heidi said. “She probably would have felt a lot better if she’d known I’d help her.”

  He squeezed her chin. “You’re probably right. And that’s why I want you to always talk to me about how you’re feeing, all right?” He’d do his best to do the same, even if it killed him.

  “Okay, I promise,” she said. Then she tipped her head to the side and furrowed her brow. “So if talking is good, then it’s great that you and Ms. Sellers are talking partners, don’t you think?” Heidi asked, all innocent honesty.

  He blinked. Except they weren’t partners anymore, were they? He’d cut out on Phoebe last night the minute the going had gotten tough. “Um…yes,” he replied, thrown for a loop by Heidi’s perceptiveness, and by her statement, too. Although, given her wise words about the benefits of discussion, he shouldn’t be too surprised by her question. Maybe he’d have to reconsider his decision to back out of being partners with Phoebe…

  “Oh, good,” Heidi said. “She’s nice, and she has grief and so do you. Sounds like she would be a good friend.”

  “I hadn’t thought of that,” he said, infusing an evenness into his voice that he sure didn’t feel.

  Heidi laid her cool hand on his cheek. “That’s why you have me, Dad.”

  He gave her a questioning look.

  She pursed her lips. “I think of things you don’t, silly.”

  “Yes, you do.” He hugged her tight, thankful to have her where she belonged, but not sure how he felt about her forcing him to look beneath the surface of his relationship with Phoebe. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  “
Me, neither,” she said, giving him a smile that lit up his heart.

  One of the dogs barked, and Heidi jumped out of Carson’s arms. “Okay, Parker, okay.” She bent down and patted his head. “You are so spoiled!”

  The dog held his chin up for a scratch, and Heidi obliged. The other one—Peter—nosed his way in and got some of the attention. One of them let out a doggy groan of pure happiness. Guess when you were a dog, a good chin scratching was just about canine bliss.

  Heidi giggled. “You want some, too, don’tcha, Peter?”

  Peter yipped and then tried to shove Parker out of the way to claim all the good stuff for himself.

  Carson looked down at his daughter, glad she was feeling better. Talking had helped, thank goodness. He had to take their discussion one step further, though, and impress upon her that she couldn’t go temporarily missing every time she got distraught. He knew too well how dangerous and unpredictable the world could be. Even in a small town, bad things could happen to an unsupervised kid. Look at what had happened to CJ, right under Carson’s nose…

  With his protectiveness spurring him on, he said, “Heidi, honey, you have to promise me not to run off like you did ever again. You scared me and Ms. Sellers a lot, and Mrs. P., too.”

  Heidi looked up, blinking, her mouth pressed down at the corners.

  He went on. “In fact, Ms. Sellers was so worried, she came here with me to get you.”

  “I’m sorry,” Heidi said, looking sheepish. “I didn’t mean to scare you guys.”

  “I know, and I accept your apology.” He could see she was truly remorseful. “But from now on when you’re upset, don’t run away. Talk to me, all right?”

  She nodded. “Can I talk to Ms. Sellers, too, if she says it’s all right? I guess I need to apologize.”

  “Sure,” he shoved out, his voice higher than normal; was it wise to encourage a relationship between his daughter and Phoebe? But, what else was he going to say? No? He ought to be glad Heidi had found someone in Moonlight Cove she connected with.